A problem that i’ve had.

I guess if I had to pick just one, the biggest problem i’ve had would be depression. I went through a depression from the end of my freshman year of high school, to the summer before my senior year. I’m not going to go into too much depth, but here’s a little bit of it.

I let the depression become who I was. I was negative. I pushed all of my friends and family away. My 4.0 GPA dropped down to a 2.5. I hated everyone, and everything. I didn’t aspire to be or do anything. All I did was sleep, cry, and eat. I gained nearly 80 pounds in 2 and a half years. I became exactly the person I swore I would never be. It’s took about a year to truly change, but I did it, and i’m proud of that fact.

Something I always think “what if” about:

Long story short, I went through a 3 year depression in high school. I always, always, think “what if I pushed through it, and didn’t let depression envelop me.” Now that i’ve made it past those three years, I feel so ashamed of the person I was. I let everything go, my weight, my grades, my friendships, my family. It’s so hard for me to think about, even though i’m comfortable openly talking about it, because without those three years, I don’t think I would be the person I am today. I always think, “what if” and come up with some amazing story of how I excelled throughout high school, and went on to a prestigious university like all the rest of my friends. Yes, I may have went on and accomplished those things, but I in no way would mentally be the person I am today. It’s a catch 22, in either situation, I’m left with something missing. I spend too much time thinking about “what if”, because in reality there’s a reason why I went through that depression and came out the person I am today.